In what is fast becoming a loathed Seattle tradition, Cap’n Jeff Bezos again led his rag-tag crew of Prime Day Pirates to South Lake Union shores today, horrifying anyone who had not yet seen the Amazon CEO’s maniacal laugh.
“Avast, ye techies! Ye on-call land-lubbers! Prime Day is at last underway!” Bezos cried out as he swashbuckled past MOHAI. “While the masses are locked away in their online-shopping binge, we shall plunder what’s left of South Lake Union properties as never before.”
Bezos’ crew had no luck taking the new SLU properties of Google, Facebook and Apple, but at last set eyes on neighborhood stronghold Athletic Awards.
“Unhand ye riches, Monty, lest I lock you up in Davy Jones’ Amazon Locker, you scurvy seadog!” Bezos said as the custom trophy and plaque shop’s owner silently shoved him out the door. “This goold whirlyball championship trophy — it’s mine! All mine!”
Alas, a downtrodden Bezos ended the day’s attempted property plunder of the neighborhood empty-handed muttering something about putting himself on a Performance Improvement Plan.
When asked why he kept on wanting more South Lake Union property when there are so many other places to expand his empire, the answer was simple.
“Yarrrr … I just really, really don’t want to move back home to Bellevue.”
