Friends of Seattle resident Emily Hennings are celebrating her bold showing of social initiative this week — an invitation to a Saturday evening Golden Gardens bonfire— with internal agonizing over how the hell they’re going to get out of going to this thing.
“Omg, this is such a great idea! I’m there,” posted Madison Porter on the Facebook invitation page Friday night, before turning to a new boyfriend.
“Yeah, 99% chance I’m not emerging from my apartment until Sunday afternoon, though,” Porter said in a statement released to The Needling later that evening.
“This is just what I needed — see you there!” Olivia Reynolds posted online as she returned to drooling over 15 open internet browser tabs of WTA trail guides.
“I love her, but I hate Seafair and there’s no way in fuck I’m staying in town to hear the Blue Angels traumatize ears God clearly made to imbibe the precious tunes of Mount Rainier’s orange-crowned warblers,” Reynolds said in a joint statement to The Needling that included artsy friend Amber Weeks.
“In theory, going to a bonfire and sharing in general social interactivity may be a fun source of Vitamin D,” Weeks’ statement said. “But this is my blue period and I’ll be damned if some optimistic, socially proactive bitch wedges herself between me and my self-isolating depression. Rain can’t come back soon enough.”
At press time, bonfire host Ms. Hennings was at PCC agonizing over which packs of beer and cider her friends would like most.
