Residents and neighbors of a quaint, brick walk-up in Capitol Hill are celebrating the city’s decision today to preserve the building, which will also some day make a fine mass grave.
“When the Really Big One hits, a convenient implosion of bricks will provide automatic burial for the renters inside,” said block watch captain Greg Hamil. “In the meantime, those of us who merely pass by it will continue to be delighted by its whimsical, old world charm.”
Neighborhood teens also expressed relief that their favorite rainy day, fall, and back-to-school Instagram photo backdrop would remain in place until it is inevitably reduced to blood-soaked rubble.
“Either way, it’s a memorable photo stop we’d hate to have taken away by some heartless, corporate developer,” said Chris Keegan, 16.
One of the building’s renters, home-based entrepreneur Emily Smith, said — despite living inside a literal death trap — she’s glad to stay put within her apartment’s gritty-yet-trendy brick walls.
“Even thinking about moving away from this backdrop for my creative startup to a safer building in some affordable suburb …,” sighed Smith. “Just bury me alive now.”
