Bernie Sanders’ faithful followers are rejoicing this morning to see him baring political battle wounds once feared mortal.
Calling the comeback a miracle to be celebrated for ages to come, long-time Sanders disciple Paul Webster of Seattle said he knew Sanders couldn’t stay cooped up in some cave forever.
“He’s more determined than ever to save America’s middle class!” cried Webster in a crowd flocking to touch a hem of his garment. “He is risen! And his hands flailin’!”
Sanders was previously crucified at the 2016 Democratic National Convention with a count of delegates for Hillary Clinton that outnumbered his own, killing his campaign to be the next president of the United States.
“Forgive them, Father Eugene, they know not what they do,” Sanders muttered under his breath upon finishing his final concession speech.
Sanders’ followers continued tending to his campaign’s remains through 2017, 2018, 2019. And, lo, on the third year it came to pass that Sanders emerged from one of his three homes to resurrect his campaign for U.S. President.
“It’s an opportunity I just couldn’t passover,” said Sanders. “I won’t rest until the 1% let my people go make a decent living.”
