Local officials have issued a report confirming that sisters Taylor and Daphne Ward could not even today because literally everything in the Fremont boutique they shopped in for Small Business Week was literally too cute.
“Oh. My. God. You would not believe the amount of adorable they have here,” said Daphne, who was barely able to contain herself in front of a wall of letter-pressed stationary. “You could not cram more cuteness into this store if you tried. Seriously. Everything in here is to-die-for and I’m not even joking. Ev-ry-thing.”
Taylor was like “what” because she walks by the store every day and had no idea how much marvelousness was inside.
“The owner, this super sweet old lady — I think her name is Alice — says her store has been open like for forever,” said Taylor. “When I asked how come I’ve never noticed her store, Alice said something about signs and the historic commission or whatever.”
The sisters especially admired how the cashier had her aesthetic totally locked down with, like, a post-modern Boho-chic, but not obnoxious about it, you know?
“Daphne! Daphne, help! I can’t even!” Taylor shouted to her sister before fainting in front of a Met Gala camp-dressed sloth depicted on a stack of thank you cards.
The report concluded that by the time the sisters left the shop, their wallets had been emptied and their hearts filled with the kind of warm fuzzies the CDC says one can only contract from patronizing local small businesses.
