After recently acquiring a driver’s licence, Seattle is being forced to drive Portland to soccer practice this afternoon.
The news came in from a text message containing three eye-roll emojis sent by Seattle to a friend.
“My older friends warned me about this,” said Seattle in an interview. “You think that getting your driver’s licence means freedom, but it really just opens you up to doing other chores.”
Seattle was also told that Portland would need to be driven on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons to and from the same location.
Seattle says the worst part of driving Portland around is the music Portland demands to be played.
“Portland doesn’t know what good music is yet,” said Seattle. “How many times does anyone need to listen to a Sicko Mode parody about Minecraft?”
At press time, Seattle was waiting in the driveway with the engine on while Portland took forever to find his fucking Timbers jersey.
