A promising first date at Kitanda Espresso in Green Lake quickly went south this evening when Gabe Noolan, a Master’s graduate of Stanford’s international policy program currently between jobs, showed up too high to function.
“He was so quiet at first I thought he was just nervous,” said Carolyn Beeks, YMCA youth program coordinator and disappointed date, as she hurried to her car upon exiting the cafe. “Then when I asked about one of his profile pictures, he rambled for five minutes about building houses in Guatemala, but also taming a capybara in Paraguay?”
Witnesses report that the date was cut short when Beeks received an unexpected text from a close friend whose mother had just died.
“She cut out pretty quick after he started giggling uncontrollably,” said barista Holly Newcombe. “Honestly, I’m not sure he even noticed she left.”
When asked if he would be seeing Beeks again, Noolan smiled and replied, “Whaaat?”
