It’s time to throw your tired, pedantic yoga instructor in the fucking dumpster and strap on your finest Lululemons because the motherfucking Woodland Park Zoo is relunching its motherfucking yoga classes with live fucking tigers!
In a partnership with Phinney Ridge’s Open Chakrah, Living Mind Yoga School, the Woodland Park Zoo will host three weekly classes through this coming spring inside a hall attached to the zoo’s tiger habitat.
“It’s gonna be grrrrrrrreat,” says Zep Henderson, the zoo’s lead Tigerologist. “We think this will give attendees an up close understanding of our tigers, their spirits, and the way they gracefully move through the world. We also believe at least 90 percent of our attendees will go unharmed.”
The zoo will host a lottery for interested parties and recommend attendees have at least some formal yoga experience. Attendees are also cautioned against wearing any strong smelling perfumes or coming into contact with any meat products within 24 hours of each tiger yoga event.
Positive reviews of last year’s motherfucking yoga class sessions with live fucking tigers came in from people all over the world, including Jane Lickspittle of Liverpool, who said “pounce for pounce, worth every pound — a bloody good time.”
