Nude photos of Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos, exclusively acquired by The Needling, show that the nature of betrayal in his secret affairs went much further than previously understood.
Images show a buck-naked Bezos in the bed of his Medina mansion with San Francisco 49er paraphernalia and a Northrop-Grumman Global Hawk model airplane toy shipped by FedEx, evidently ordered from a Google Home assistant. Bezos had texted them to his new paramour with the message “Draw me like one of your California girls.”
“Why would he betray our dear Alexa — he told us Google was just a friend!” said Amazon Echo Product Manager Maya Krug. “That copy of Infinite Jest cupping his dick better not have been bought in-person at an independent bookstore.”
The tech billionaire is also seen somehow eating fast-food from In-N-Out instead of the local, beloved and the obviously much more situationally appropriate Dick’s.
“Oh God, I can’t unsee it,” said Capitol Hill Dick’s Manager Grayson Hodge after witnessing the photos. “I’m just glad our brand remains undefiled by sick jokes like Jeff Bezos.”
