A collective of independent coffee shops in Seattle are firing back at Starbucks’ plan to ban pornography from their in-store wifi, offering customers the kind of double-dicking, elbow-deep, all-anal action that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.
Morten Wills, owner of Greenwood’s Rise ‘n’ Grind, says he believes this is a civil rights issue.
“Now, I’m no lawyer,” Wills said. “But if you want to come into my store, order your self up a double tall cup of hot bean juice and Google ‘booty luge,’ ‘wizards gone wild,’ or ‘ghost sex,’ that’s your right as a paying customer, and no company should be trying to take that away from you. That’s not the America I know!”
A woman sipping a gingerbread latte inside the Rise ‘n’ Grind early Thursday was already taking advantage of the store’s pro-porn policy as she watched clips from the British adult film Mind the Gape on her phone at medium volume.
Wills and at least 11 other Seattle shop owners are also boosting their wifi speeds and capacity in anticipation of handling all the hardcore pornography customers can throw at them.
“We believe you should be able to enjoy your joe while opening as many incognito tabs on Pornhub as your browser can handle,” says Wendy Hammond, general manager of Eastlake’s Rusty Rainbow Coffee Joint. “To us, coffee is about having the freedom to enjoy delicious single-sourced fair-trade coffee from all over the world while watching videos of people putting an array of European cheeses in their butts, if that’s your thing.”
