The Needling asked Seattle’s most famous local celebrities what they’re thankful for this Thanksgiving!
Macklemore
Some of my best friends are Native Americans. So thankful for that.
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Eddie Vedder
🎶 At home, drawing pictures of mountains of mashed potatoooooes
gravy on tooooooop
Lemon yellow butterflake
arms raised for tur-keeey!
Cranberry, in pools of maroon below
Eddiiiie makes a special stuffing!
Oh, it’s got sausage, nuts and peaaars.
King Eddie the wicked
Oh, rule this kitchen
Turkey and stuuuffing, so thankful for today.
Turkey and stuuuffing, eat so much today.
🎶
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Steve Pool
I’m thankful that Cliff Mass continues to be a piece of human garbage. I could start selling seal lion pup pelts as a side gig and I’d still be better than that climate change-denying turd factory. Harry Wappler would’ve dragged his ass into the street and beat him with a Teleprompter. So thanks, Cliff. I’ll always know I’m Seattle’s favorite weatherman.
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Sir Mixalot
I’m still thankful for butts. I cannot lie!
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Mario Batali
I’m thankful for turkey. It’s a beautiful bird. Those hips… those big, supple breasts. You’ve just gotta get a quarter cup of olive oil on your hands and massage that meat, whether the bird wants it or not.
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Kenny G
I’m thankful for the rising tide of my Marxist brothers and sisters lapping at the shores of capitalism. The mongrel dogs profiting off the backs of hardworking laborers will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes. I’m also thankful that there will always be demand for smooth jazz, as it makes for the smoothest elevator rides.
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Bill Gates
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[Ed note: This is binary for “I’m all about dark meat and fat blunts.”]
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Tom Skerritt
Happy Halloween!
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Goddess Kring
I’m thankful for deez tiddies!! Follow your bliss!
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Seahawks Quarterback Russell Wilson
I’m thankful for my teammates. The offensive line’s been amazing this year. We’ve got a long way to grind, but we’re doing it every day. I’d also like to thank God for VR Porn.
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Brendan Fraser
I’m thankful for everybody that’s as excited as I am to watch Encino Man 2: Back to the Stone Age available on VHS this Thanksgiving! Me, Pauley Shore and Sean Astin all get frozen and travel back through time to meet my caveman family and prevent Tom Cruise’s birth. I am Seattle’s best Fraser and my Mummy is the one true Mummy!
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Jeff Bezos
I’m thankful for my army of the night, who lay slumberless in my catacombs, awaiting the coming crimson dawn of the Extirpation.
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Chris Pratt
Ah man, have you guys seen Infinity War? That Thanos guy is crazy, right?!? What? Thanksgiving? Oh, yeah like I’m so thankful for God for giving us Turkey, in a variety of flavors like peppered or honey roasted cause god is so hella cool. He just wants us to binge on green bean casserole and watch the American Office, which is obviously superior to the British office. Amen.
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The Ghost of JP Patches
“I’m thankful for red balloons and the kids who float down here with me.”
