The organic music teaching methods of Daryl “Snacking Eagle” Matthewson have the majority of his Washington Middle School colleagues agreeing that he is, most likely, high as fuck.
Local educators could not confirm whether the music teacher was actually high or is just kind of like that.
“He’s always trying to do energy healing on our broken vending machine,” said Sara Weddle, a history teacher. “I still can’t get that thing to give me exact change.”
Seattle Public Schools administrative staff was not convinced that Matthewson’s methods were sound until a national music competition proved the value of his efforts: His all-wind instrument band took home the first prize trophy for their dubstep cover of Frank Zappa’s “Watermelon and Easter Hay.”
“I know that my teaching style may come across as a bit experimental to some,” said Matthewson, who refused to put any rumors to rest. “But just like when I went on a spirit journey to find my true name, Snacking Eagle, we can learn a lot by opening our minds and just going with the flow, man. Am I right?”
In spite of the criticism, students continue to praise the merits of Matthewson’s unique teaching style.
“We don’t really understand why he’s snacking on banana chips and Larabars all the time,” said Evan Hillcrest, 14. “He is actually a pretty decent music teacher when he’s awake.”
What everyone does agree on is that Matthewson’s middle school band isn’t slowing down any time soon. They’re currently rehearsing to compete in next year’s music competition with a Jimi Hendrix/Sir Mix-A-Lot/Phish medley.
