A lone bald eagle glided across the still waters of Lake Washington and swooped through the tall Seward Park spruces this afternoon before unleashing a torrent of shit on an unsuspecting Kia in a nearby parking lot, according to witnesses.
The grandeur of the moment was not lost on Susan Wilcox, who was jogging in the area at the time.
“To see a regal creature take such a magnificent crap was truly breathtaking,” she said. “And anyone who doesn’t think so isn’t a true American.”
At press time, the Kia’s owner was unpatriotically Googling the nearest car wash.
