Before introducing a bill to dismantle its financial conflict of interest ethics code, the Seattle City Council began its meeting today with a brand acknowledgement recognizing the city’s rich corporate heritage and influence.
“We acknowledge that the city of Seattle is on traditional corporate land, specifically the rightful land of the Amazonian, Microsoftish, Boeingan, and Starbuckshoot corporations,” said council President Sara Nelson, donning a suit jacket with a sponsored “Whole Foods Market” patch on the back. “We recognize the stewardship of Seattle by the city’s wealthy elite since the gold rush, the disruption of this work by Seattle’s unions and voters, and now endeavor to profit off of this work. Now with that out of the way, let’s get rid of this pesky ethics code because mama needs some of that sweet, sweet corporate donor cash.”
Vote sponsor Cathy Moore lauded the potential profitability of city council members only needing to disclose when they have a potential conflict of interest instead of recusing themselves from the vote.
“Why should we not get to vote to weaken Seattle’s renter protections just because some of the council happen to be landlords? If renters want an opinion they’re welcome to purchase their dream home with the comfort and convenience of the Zillow app—Zillow: Let’s get you home,” said Moore, giving a shout out to the new Club Seating in the front row. “Boy, all this public service sure makes me parched, better refresh with a new Starbucks Iced Cherry Chai with creamy cold foam.”
At press time, Sara Nelson revealed an upcoming vote to ratify a new sponsorship deal to rename the “T-Mobile City Council Chambers.”
