After a few late-night gatherings got rowdy recently, today Seattle Parks instituted a new rule that everyone must put out their Cybertruck fires by 10 p.m. at the latest.
“There’s nothing wrong with gathering around and bonding over the warmth of a torched Cybertruck as long as it’s extinguished by 10 p.m.—well, nothing other than some unfortunate chemical fume inhalation,” said Parks spokesperson Jessica Sanderson. “If we can all agree to be good stewards of our shared outdoor spaces together, we can keep our parks safe from both fascism and noise code violations.”
Parks said it needed to create a cutoff time for setting Cybertrucks ablaze after nearby residents started complaining about noise too late at night.
“Can’t tell you how many times in the last month I’ve woken up to chants of ‘Burn baby burn, Tesla inferno,’” said Mary Vogel, who lives near Golden Gardens. “I don’t have any problems with the bonfires themselves, but, you know, just wind down the anti-fascist property destruction by bedtime, that’s all.”
As for daytime hours, Parks staff reminded the public that they’re always on-hand to assist with controlled burns and penis graffitiing of Swasticars.
