As Democracy Vouchers arrive in Seattle mailboxes this week, today Mayor Bruce Harrell announced his own new “Cop Voucher” program that you can use to donate directly to your favorite police officer’s legal fund.
“We’ve tried yearly raises, signing bonuses, and zero accountability, but it’s still not enough to honor our brave boys in blue—that’s why I’m introducing new ‘Cop Vouchers’ so you can show your local police officer you care,” said Harrell. “They can use it for their legal fund when they get in a little oopsie in their squad car or during their next field trip to the U.S. Capitol. We’re going to give a majority of your tax dollars to the police anyways, so why not give Seattleites a fun little choice in the matter?”
Seattle resident Connor Kowalski was in favor of the new scheme.
“Representative democracy is a cornerstone of civil American society, but since neither of those things exist in this country anymore, it’s probably best to suck up to the unaccountable occupying force that can legally kill us sooner than later,” said Kowalski. “Besides, if we run bad cops out of town every time they accidentally violate our constitutional rights or kill an innocent person, then who’s going to make sure I don’t have to see any homeless people?”
At press time, Kowalski was hospitalized after reaching into his car’s glove compartment for a cop voucher during a routine traffic stop.
