Today one local couple who excitedly signed up for Vertical World said they were wondering if they could just do the swinging and orgies part of joining a rock-climbing gym.
“We signed up for the all-access pass to more open relationships, partner swapping and group sex opportunities than we could ever wish for, but we don’t really have to climb the wall like we’re in some Your Little Secret music video, right?” said Chelsea Perkins as she and her partner Laura watched dozens of people dangle and cling for dear life 30 feet above. “Look, we love being in a good harness, but personally prefer being on solid ground in generous company when getting belayed and tied up in figure 8 knots.”
Pixie-cut gym members highly recommended bouldering if ropes and heights weren’t their thing.
“I mean, if ‘accidentally’ tumbling off the wall onto people below is the only way to get things started here I will, but I just kind of thought all we needed to do is walk in here looking like small-framed elves with short haircuts and weird shoes,” Laura said. “I’m kind of surprised with how many people are actually concentrated on their climbing routes instead of climbing partners below. Fine print on the membership contract didn’t say anything about this being a BDSM dungeon, although come to think of it, it totally smells like one.”
At press time, Chelsea and Laura were still hoping to get lucky while keeping their carabiners decorative-only.
