Researchers at Pfizer announced a breakthrough medication today they say cures depression with an unprecedented 95 percent success rate they’re calling Money.
“Our trials concluded that almost every single depressed patient we gave even $50 to showed an uptick in serotonin that we’ve never seen in any other medication to date,” said lead researcher Dr. Sarah Burke. “Not even a walk on a lovely spring day in Seattle rivals this shit.”
Ads for the successful medication that’s being fast-tracked to market by the FDA are already airing on TV.
“Trouble buying groceries without having a panic attack? Money may be right for you,” said the ad. “Side effects of Money may include, but are not limited to, mo money, mo problems.”
At press time, Pfizer confirmed it will be selling bottles of $50 for $500 a pop.
