Outgoing Washington State Governor Jay Inslee announced today that his last gubernatorial act would be changing the state flag’s design from George Washington’s face to his feet.
“It’s been my great honor to serve as your Governor over the last 12 years, and during that time I’ve heard countless requests to change our state flag—well today, as my last act as Governor I’d just like to say: you’re welcome,” said Inslee, unveiling a green flag emblazoned with the first President’s crusty bare feet. “This new design symbolizes the progress of the Evergreen State ever marching forward, while also keeping our feet firmly planted in our storied history. Also, did you know George Washington had wooden toenails carved after his real ones fell out? Well, now you know!”
While the long-time Governor touted the change as among his favorite accomplishments, Washington residents were less than enthusiastic about the new flag.
“Ugh, when we said we wanted a new state flag we meant a silhouette of Mt. Rainier or a majestic evergreen tree—who designed this flag, Quentin Tarantino?” said Seattle local Marvin Marley, watching officials hoist the new flag above City Hall. “Well I cannot tell a lie: This new flag is nasty as hell. At least put some hiking boots on him—no one needs to see this man’s raw feet on the back of their driver’s license.”
Following the announcement, California Governor Gavin Newsom announced his office would be updating their iconic state flag to give the famed bear a big ol’ dump truck ass.
