Years of only celebrating the achievements of athletes in every other sport at the White House came to an end this weekend when Bill Nye made history as the first speedwalker awarded a Presidential Medal of Freedom.
“For far too long, the profession and sport of speedwalking—especially crime-fighting speedwalking—hasn’t gotten the respect it deserves,” said longtime International Speedwalking Association regulations adherent, Bill Nye. “I accept this honor on behalf of all unforgettable speedwalking and race walking champions throughout history, including of course Bryan Cranston’s legendary work on Malcolm in the Middle.”
Sporting his trademark Speedwalker sweater, blue cape and white short shorts that kind of looked like diapers, in the 90s Nye chased Seattle’s most dangerous criminals up and down landmarks like the Kingdome and Space Needle all while speedwalking in perfect form.
“For Nye’s indelible contributions to teaching children to respect their local tourist attractions and to always walk ‘heel-toe-heel-toe,’ we award him this Medal of Honor,” said President Biden as he fastened the medal on Nye.
Nye is also reportedly known for teaching kids about science or someshit.
