Doubling down on what got him elected in the first place, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell hit his re-election campaign trail with a new promise to sweep all Enchantments campsites and leave no trace of a single tent.
“Every year, hundreds of public land freeloaders from Seattle swarm the Leavenworth area, setting up campsites and disrupting the pristine alpine wonderland with their eyesore campsites in the Enchantments,” said Mayor Harrell, posing in front of the Leavenworth 76 Station sign in his Mayoral lederhosen. “Well, enough is enough, and that’s why I’ve instructed every available Seattle police officer applying for the Enchantments lottery this month to ensure that they can keep the wilderness safe from squatters. In return, I look forward to another successful mayoral campaign mostly bankrolled by people who don’t live in Seattle.”
Cle Elum native Gus Price was reportedly thrilled that someone was finally pledging to clean up his favorite family vacation destination.
“We pay good money every year for our Bavarian-themed hotel and these filthy bums get to roll into town and enjoy the majesty of nature, all while their lodging is free? Doesn’t seem right to me,” said Price in a local NextDoor post. “Imagine you’re taking a leisurely 10-mile, 5,000-foot elevation afternoon stroll with your kids up Aasgard Pass, when suddenly you take a wrong turn and bam! You’re face to face with some filthy bums desecrating nature with their campsites and your kids are scarred for life!”
A leaked memo from the mayor’s office suggested that the next target on Harrell’s anti-tent conquest would be The Gorge.
