Radical vendors armed with hot glue guns erected barricades of knotted hemp macramé at Seattle Center today in yet another Urban Craft Uprising.
“We have fortified the Exhibition Hall with jute and yarn and decorated it with sustainably mined gemstones so that only those worthy of our hand-made works may pass,” said one vendor behind a bright pink self-knit balaclava she’s selling others of for only $36 each. “Boiling pots of batik wax stand ready to repel any who dare approach our latticed barricades without proper respect for independent artists and small businesses. Let us craft a new world together!”
Those fleeing the outbreak of revolutionary violence sought shelter in the nearby Armory.
“I was shopping for some stained-glass earrings shaped like a monarch butterfly for my niece when I heard yelling and turned around to see a ceramic trivet decorated with leaf rubbings smashed over someone’s head as they shopped on Amazon on their phone,” said Jillian Peters, an attendee unsettled by the sudden unrest. “I wish they’d put down their knitting needles and go back to making friendship bracelets instead of weaving their natural-dye palisades.”
As of press time, a hardened cadre of makers were stitching “resist” onto a guillotine constructed out of reclaimed driftwood.
