In a new memoir washing ashore this spring, the Strait of Juan de Fuca chronicles its youth and admits to being not quite as “strait” as everyone thinks.
“I began to consider myself more bicoastal as a lover of both Canadian and American shores,” wrote Juan de Fuca. “While I know most preferred I kept the narrow definition of ‘strait’ as a water passage that only connects two bodies of water, I knew I was broader than that. I didn’t care if it was a lick or a loch, I wanted to experience their every river, stream, and estuary flowing into me all at once. For the record, I was never really a strait—I’m a channel and always have been.”
While librarians defended the book that is literally just a nature book that tells a more historically and geographically accurate story of the “Strait of Juan de Fuca” learning to live its best life, Sequim-area Moms for Liberty member Doris Delaney argued against it at a school board meeting tonight.
“It promotes canal activity,” said Delaney, even though the book doesn’t actually mention canal stuff even once. “I don’t care how supportive the Haro, Georgia and Rosario Straits are—this book teaches youth that it’s ok for more than one salty shore to get you wet and it’s unnatural.”
After an extended book tour, Juan de Fuca said it plans to resume its quiet life in a polycule with the Pacific Ocean and the Salish Sea unless someone ever gets around to writing a diss track about its rumored history with colonizer Sir Francis Drake.
