A fanciful frolic through the snow turned messy today after a Green Lake snowman was found to be absolutely riddled with goose poop.
“Oh God, what kind of monstrosity have I created—this snowman is more goose poop than man!” shouted Ryan Willows, dry heaving at his grotesque creation. “Ugh, it’s all over my gloves, too! Somewhere out there is a flock of geese honking relentlessly, just mocking my hubris. Oh no, I almost forgot—kids, don’t throw those snowballs!”
The snowman reportedly cursed his maker after he was brought to life via a magical top hat.
“What kind of a sick, twisted bastard would breathe the life of creation into this putrid snowbody knowing how much goose poop I contained—ugh, and is my mouth made of pure dog poop? It’s all I can taste and smell!” howled the snowman, removing his carrot nose. “Oh it’s everywhere, it’s even inside me. Somebody please get a hair dryer and put me out of my misery!”
At press time, the local health department urged the public to refrain from making poop angels at Green Lake.
