Despite wide criticism of President-elect Donald Trump’s plans, leaders of Native American tribes across the nation say they’re intrigued by his bold vision for deporting the massive boatloads of immigrants who’ve been terrorizing this land for centuries.
“For more than 500 years now, these immigrants have not only been taking our jobs, but our land, our lives and our culture, so we’re more than deeply interested in how Trump is courageously planning to Make America Great Again by booting people like his family back to Scotland, Germany, and Slovenia,” said Duwamish Tribal Councilmember Sahale Brown. “We’re honestly pretty excited that there’s an American president who finally sees how much better this country would be if millions of European immigrants just got on a boat back to where they came from, preferably of the same size, structural integrity and trajectory as the Titanic.”
Chumash elder Simi Alulquoy said they couldn’t agree more.
“It would no doubt be a huge undertaking, but we’re willing to hear how this would work and however we might be able to help,” said Alulquoy. “We assume that the mass deportations wouldn’t include anyone brought here involuntarily by immigrants or anyone of Mexican descent since most of them have more DNA indigenous to this continent than a rosacea-faced Steve Bannon could ever hope for.”
At press time, tribal leaders said they might be open to immigrants staying if they decide to open up reservations.
