Today Hunky Christmas Arborists Union Local 525 called for an official boycott of all romcom-stye Christmas movies popularized by the Hallmark Channel saying the genre unfairly objectifies their membership of studly, eligible Yule loggers.
“Sure, we all wear flannel shirts cuffed at the elbow to perfectly accentuate our perfect biceps as we carry trees you wish you were over our shoulders, but we’re more than that—we’re Joe Rogan podcast listeners who refer to women as females,” said Hunter Hunterson. “Sometimes we feel like all you see in us when you come in from your big city is this fairytale dick ride to trad wife-ville and not the five walls I’m gonna punch through every year because I have no emotional regulation skills and definitely not my very unfortunate understanding of how tariffs and international trade work.”
Audiences report surprise at the backlash.
“Look, I’m just a big-city career girl who likes to unwind with some brainless Christmas movies when I go back home to visit my parents,” says Maggie Reynolds, a publishing executive from North Seattle whose effortless blonde curls mask her ambition and the cavernous pit it hollows out in her childless soul. “It’s not like I habitually ogle the ring fingers of my Christmas tree lot attendants or anything. And I would never dream of turning in my Betty Friedan for a chance to trad wife one of these gorgeous lumberjacks.”
Santa posted a reaction to Bluesky reminding all the horned out fans of Hallmark Christmas movies that while the Christmas tree hunks may be off limits, he is a dad bod god who is ready, willing, and able to stuff the stockings of anyone who wants to sit on his lap.
