In a touching display of allyship to communities of color, today Microsoft encouraged its employees and customers to celebrate the Mexican holiday of Day of the Dead on its Redmond campus as long as they never mention Palestinians exist or matter.
“Here at Microsoft, diversity is our strength and any mention that Palestinians exist will get you fired,” said CEO Satya Nadella. “Inclusion is innovation, and that’s why we celebrate beautiful cultural traditions like Day of the Dead as long as they don’t involve publicly mourning the slaughter of over 200,000 Palestinian civilians or anyone advocating for their ‘human’ rights. I swear to God if you so much as mention that Seattle woman and recent UW grad Aysenur Ezgi Eygi that an IDF sniper shot in the head while she was standing under an olive tree even once I’ll have you deported to the Siberian steppe faster than you can say ‘Azure Cloud-powered IDF drone strike.’”
Microsoft executives flocked to social media on Día de Los Muertos to extol the virtues of diversity and inclusion as long as it’s still okay to sometimes make shit tons of money helping to wipe out a whole country, culture and ethnicity off of the face of the Earth.
“It’s so touching the way families will set up these beautiful altars—ofrendas—with pictures of people they want to love and honor forever,” said Microsoft Azure VP Erin Chapman. “We did have to fire two extremely talented employees for basically doing the same thing last week at a vigil for Palestinians because they were unfortunately publicly mourning the only race, culture and country that’s so okay to erase from existence you’re not even allowed to mourn their deaths and keep your job here.”
Microsoft said valuing cultural traditions like Day of the Dead is just one way its Global Diversity & Inclusion Report released last week shows the company is making strides in representation and equity for anyone but Palestinians.
