After wide public criticism of recent legislation that criminalizes sex workers again instead of just their pimps and johns, today the conservative majority Seattle City Council relaxed its rules to allow for prostituting yourself to Amazon, Microsoft, Uber and other Big Business clients.
“While we still think police should be able to throw in jail any woman on Aurora even accused of sex work if she’s in the SOAP (Stay Out of Area Prostitution) Zone, we do think every Seattle resident should be free to solicit themselves to Big Business not just around the Bezos Balls, but anywhere in Downtown and South Lake Union—especially us,” said Council President Sara Nelson wiping her mouth right after a quick meeting with Amazon CEO Andy Jassy under the committee meeting table. “Unlike what some people say, we are forward-thinking, progressive Seattleites who believe Big Business work—at any price for anyone for any reason—is work.”
To prove he walks his talk, City Councilmember Rob Saka walked the track around Amazon Headquarters’ Bezos Balls himself this afternoon in G-string, fishnets and red high heels.
“Look, I’m all for helping people who were unwillingly trafficked into this line of work because they don’t know how else to feed their families, but some of us are absolutely in it for a great living and the love of the game,” said Saka looking around for any suits or nice cars slowing down nearby. “This corner blows. I usually work the SPD HQ block where I never go a minute without someone wanting to get Saka’ed off.”
At press time, the Council confirmed that although there will still be fixed zones it’s okay to prostitute yourself to Big Business, Big Business and the police department will still be allowed to buy and use prostitutes in every sense of the word wherever they like.
