Today Boeing commemorated the legendary sky-diving escape of hijacker D.B. Cooper—never to be seen again—on this day Nov. 24, 1971 by festively popping doors off its planes midflight.
“Doors and windows weren’t cracking and popping off Boeing planes all year because our manufacturing lines don’t have enough safety quality oversight anymore—we were just prepping for a very special 53rd annual D.B. Cooper Day,” said Boeing spokesperson Melissa Vogel. “We did our best to keep things a surprise, but some places like Portland where D.B. hijacked a Boeing plane got a little preview a few months earlier that unfortunately got leaked to the press. Today everyone flying in a Boeing gets to relive the magic of holding onto your seat for dear life until a hero lands the plane as soon as possible.”
Although many were happy to film the moment doors flew open for the most popular social media post they’ve ever had, some people said they didn’t appreciate suddenly thinking they were about to die.
“I usually love the little jokes the Southwest flight attendants make over the intercom, but I think they might have been overly casual with all the ‘things are really about to pop off’ jokes and big winks this time,” said flight customer Heath Wiggin. “I personally would have appreciated a little more warning that air suddenly rushing out an open doorhole mid-flight was only going to rip half my clothes off and irreparably traumatize my son for life, not kill us—that’s all. The confetti of $200,000 in dollar bills was a nice touch, though.”
At press time, consumers rights activists were already beginning to pressure Boeing to do the right thing by no longer allowing plane parts to fall off without warning and fully fund construction of a D.B. Cooper Wings Over Washington that includes both the open and sewn-shut parachute experience.
