This morning The Needling acquired local conservative TV news station KOMO to officially become Seattle’s leader in both real fake news and fake real news.
“It’s true: With the generous $10 backing of Needling follower Jesus Segura, we were able to buy KOMO at a bankruptcy auction the station ended up in after it was sued for continuing to report that Seattle Is Dying even though—as we reported last year—Seattle is already dead,” said Needling Founder, Editor and Owner Lex Vaughn. “I think I speak for most Seattle news consumers when I say that much of KOMO’s local crime reporting in recent years, especially by their former reporter Jonathan Choe, always belonged better on a comedy website.”
Once the most trusted and beloved TV news in the Seattle area, KOMO took a right turn for the worse in 2013 after it was bought by Sinclair Broadcast Group, a company that blatantly peddles right-wing fake real news scripts on local TV stations nationwide.
“At a minimum, we look forward to using The Needling’s trusted real fake news brand to at least make KOMO’s fictional news something worth respecting again,” Vaughn said. “Unfortunately for many KOMO fans that means we’ll be ending KOMO’s homeless tent voyeurism porn programming. We could never outdo Safe Seattle and We Heart Seattle for that sort of thing anyway.”
Vaughn said The Needling plans to buy Brandi Kruse’s UnDivided next as soon as Seattle’s Only Real Fake News has more monthly supporters on Patreon than Kruse’s Trump-endorsing fake real news program does.
“She has more than 2,000 monthly patrons and The Needling has 104, so we’re pretty much almost there.”
Seattle’s Only Real Fake News readers can help The Needling reach its goal by joining its Patreon at Patreon.com/TheNeedling.
