After hearing rumors that some people think carnival rides aren’t safe, today ride operators at the Washington State Fair in Puyallup assured the public that not a single one of their rides were made by Boeing.
“When our rides blast you into the sky or zero-gravity outer-space itself, don’t worry—not a single one of these rides were even partially assembled in a Renton Boeing facility,” said ride operator Sammy Chuckerson. “Every single one of these beauties were lovingly constructed out of junkyard spare parts by an Arkansas auto mechanic about 20 years ago, then constantly toured nationwide like a Catholic priest who just kinda likes moving to a lot of different cities for no reason in particular. I can’t remember when the rides were last tuned-up, but they’re definitely not Boeing 737s.”
While the risks of hopping on a carnival ride are never zero, Chuckerson reminded everyone that these rides are also never where 200-300 people suddenly all die at once.
“Look, when your kid is hanging on for dear life on a Scrambler because they didn’t follow the height and weight restrictions, we give you our word that they are still 100 times safer in it than any Alaska Boeing Jet flying from Portland to Los Angeles—we don’t even suck their shirt off while they wonder if they’re about to be flung out of their seat to certain death,” Chuckerson said. “And our Starship, Gravitron, Orbiter, and Astro Wheel? Not a single helium leak. You can even come back to the Earth’s surface in the same vessel on the same day! No waiting until 2025.”
At press time, a group of people stuck upside down at the top of a Kamikaze reported they did in fact still feel safer than any time this last year they had to fly in a Boeing.
