After another fun baseball season of doing their best, the Mariners trophy case has reportedly completely run out of room for participation trophies.
“Do you think they’d notice if we throw a few of the old ones in the back out?” said Mariners Owner John Stanton to Team President Jerry Dipoto as they looked at the crowded case in the trophy room. “I’m definitely not paying any more than we already do every year for them to get any better so we’re going to need to make some room for the end of next season. Hey, why don’t you distract them by floating them some hot dogs from heaven and I’ll throw some of these in the dumpster?”
Dipoto wasn’t on board with the idea, though.
“This is all they have, John—proof that they’ve at least tried to play in the World Series or get even one AL Pennant,” said Dipoto. “I, for one, am very proud of them. Winning and championships aren’t everything—it’s about getting a win against the A’s for effort. Can’t you at least just go to Target and buy another trophy case for them to fill up over the next decade or two? It’s not that hard.”
At press time, best Stanton said he could offer was clearing off a dusty shelf in the garage.
