In an effort to cater to their growing divorced plant-daddy demo, today Home Depot announced a new line of “Split-Custody Cacti” that only require water every other weekend.
“Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, and Home Depot believes that just because you lost custody doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get to nurture your plant babies during your court appointed visitation weekends,” said Home Depot spokesperson Nate Farley. “And if you have to miss a weekend because you have to work overtime or don’t want to miss your pickleball court time, well, succulents are resilient little guys that will surely understand.”
Local divorced plant daddy John Baker was excited to still get to enjoy special watering time with his cactus, Spike.
“It was tough sitting Spike down and explaining that it wasn’t their fault that things didn’t work out between me and their plant mama, but I felt better knowing that I’d still be able to give my plant baby the attention they need every other weekend,” said Baker, strapping Spike into a car seat. “It’s important to remember that not being there for every fertilizing moment doesn’t mean you’re a bad plant daddy, you can still make special memories. For example, I’m taking Spike to the golf course so he can get an extra fun watering from the sprinklers.”
Home Depot is also reportedly working on a second line of fake plants that required no water for deadbeat plant daddies.
