After Smith Tower was recently sold again to yet another group of investors attempting to turn it into more office space Downtown Seattle doesn’t need, today the public demanded the historic building finally be converted into a delightful Tower of Terror already.
“Most of Downtown Seattle’s office buildings are already boring, empty ghost towns no one’s interested in returning to—we don’t need any more of them,” said Layla Callahan. “What we need is a long-overdue Tower of Terror that provides not only haunted housing for Pioneer Square ghosts, but jobs thoughtfully scaring the shit out of droves of people all year long—memories people and spirits alike can treasure for an eternity.”
Although critics say the PacMed building is the only Tower of Terror the city needs, those demanding Smith Tower finally live up to its full potential as the tallest haunted building in the world say PacMed is too inaccessible.
“Are you kidding me? Who wants to climb that hill or hope they find any parking up there when all they want is their nervous system to be permanently shattered by a real encounter with the paranormal?” asked an exasperated Callahan. “Our city needs an equitable and accessible Tower of Terror everyone can easily reach by public transit. Besides, PacMed isn’t even the real thing, it just has resting Tower of Terror building face.”
At press time, Tower of Terror supporters were petitioning the City of Seattle’s Design Review Board to see if they can at least mandate that its windows be lit neon green and purple at night.
