Demanding what they call “Food Court Justice,” today Coscto’s famously cheap frankfurters have gone on-strike as they demand their first cost-of-hot-dog increase in 39 years.
“Our $1.50 price in 1985 is worth at least $4.40 in 2024—we’re bringing in less than half that!” said the protest’s leader, who asked to only be identified as Big Dog. “Do you know what eight-and-a-half inches of hot pink meat goes for in this economy? As Chappell Roan would say, we are H-O-T-T-O-G-O. and we’re not afraid to prove it.”
Among the additional complaints from the hot dogs: a reduction in bun size, management’s cutback on diced onions, and hiding where the condiments are.
“We don’t even come with a Coke anymore,” Big Dog said. “Just second-rate Pepsi!”
Inside Costco’s Issaquah headquarters, where the mood is tense, Ron Vachris peered out his office window overlooking the protest.
“I’ve told my staff time and time again this is a loss leader,” he said, pulling a large pair of nunchucks out of his belt. “They stay at $1.50, or I’m kicking some buns in bulk!”
At press time, protesters were debating whether their signs should read “Our Wages Need to Catsup” or “Ketchup!”
