While J.D. Vance continued insulting childless cat ladies—from billionaire Taylor Swift on down to humble toe-bean counters—as worthless burdens on society who contribute nothing, one local childless and catless woman with cat allergies said she felt unfairly excluded from his recent misogynistic tirades.
“Being an infertile woman too allergic to felines to own them doesn’t mean I’m any less fertile ground for cruel insults about what my body is or isn’t doing involuntarily,” said local childless woman with a cat allergy Malory Moreno. “Just because my body is both intolerant of sperm and cats’ Fel d 1 proteins doesn’t mean I’m any less deserving of being verbally eviscerated by men who say women’s highest and only purpose is becoming human livestock-breeding animals who were meant to be owned, controlled and exploited by couchfuckers.”
While her hopes of that ever changing were not high due to misogynists’ known dislike of diversity, equity and inclusion efforts, Moreno said she’s tired of feeling invisible to the worst men on the planet.
“Me and my Aloe Vera desk plant are just feeling very unseen right now,” Moreno said. “And you know what? You unhinged misogynists are really missing out because while you keep inspiring more hacky reboots of Cat Woman than the world can handle, you could be coming at more women like me and giving the world its first sassy Succulent Woman—we wouldn’t even need that much negative attention to keep going.”
At press time, childless women with dogs were too busy getting their spoiled fur babies a manicure, blowout and pup cup to comment.
