As Ballard and the rest of the Seattle community continued discussing for the 16th year in a row potential uses of the house that inspired part of the 2009 Disney Pixar movie “Up,” today the “Up House” itself finally, desperately begged for the sweet release of demolition.
“For the love of God, I don’t need more balloons—I need death!” shouted the dilapidated home from behind its chicken-wire fence on the small square parcel its legendary former owner, Edith Macefield, refused to sell to developers of the Ballard Blocks back in 2006. “At this point, keeping me alive is just cruel: I’m a 124-year-old home that’s been out here on my own without any assisted living funds for a decade and a half as rodents gnaw at my insides. I never saw a red cent from that heinously inaccurate biopic movie about me, so can’t a single one of you Disney freaks at least go Miley Cyrus-mode and come at me like a wrecking ball?”
The surrounding community continued to ask the Up House to keep holding on, though, saying they still think there’s a chance some wealthy hero could be transform it into something like a quaint café, bookstore, candy shop, or niche local history center for generations to come.
“Look, I’m fine with taxidermy—whatever you want to do with my skin and bones—just, please, let me die,” the Up House said as it watched countless idiots going into PCC across the street to buy blackberries. “I thought euthanasia was legal in this state! I know composting is too, but usually you let them die before they literally rot into the ground like I am. All I want is the kind of death with dignity you all once gave the Kingdome.”
At press time, the community promised the Up House that they’ll finally decide to either put it out of its misery or completely revive it very soon, right after they decide what to do with the giant pit in front of Seattle City Hall.
