Despite very much wanting to listen to two wise, old men with Oval Office experience expound on the best path forward for the best country on Earth, tonight Americans dutifully followed the first presidential debate’s no-audience rule by doing anything but watching it.
“I was actually really looking forward to hearing their level-headed, educated and completely coherent opinions on women’s rights, social justice and democracy, but if it helps them concentrate better to know I’m not watching, I’m game,” said Theresa Benton as she got ready to take her dog on a long walk after work. “I eagerly await CNN’s post-debate analysis when I get back in the door.”
Although some Americans thought it was weird to have a back-room debate nobody was invited to listen to, some thought that really was the best test of presidential prowess anyway.
“Being president isn’t really about what they usually performatively have interest in at most televised presidential debates – it’s about what they’re secretly saying and doing,” said Roy Berg, who followed the no-audience directive by playing Jenga with his son. “We’ll know who won the debate when AIPAC tells us who won.”
Although unprecedented in modern history, the no-audience format was such a hit that Americans across the political spectrum agreed they should keep it going for the second debate as well.
