So all of your queer and Gen Z friends have told you to not knock til you try it—but you still haven’t tried it: eating ass. Maybe you’re still skeptical that eating someone’s crack is all it’s cracked up to be. If in doubt, check out what Seattle’s most famous butt-munchers—Fremont Solstice Parade Bike Seats—say they love most about daring to eat a peach.
Racing Saddle: No one is ever gonna eat your ass up quite like me and that’s a point of pride. I get IN there up close and personal until their body wants to literally change its shape and musculature to better ride me for the long-hault. Give me your summer sweat, your purple glitter body paint, I want it all. There’s no better way to show you want someone and that they want you.
LimeBike Seat: I’m well aware I’m not a cheap ride so, personally, I just feel better when I know people are getting their full money’s worth out of me.
Unicycle Seat: People come to me because they literally love living on the edge of their seat, and I love going on those rides with them no matter how much their buttcheeks clench me so hard I can hardly breath—honestly, I’m into it.
Cruiser Bike Seat: Contrary to what some racing saddles will have you believe, there’s actually nothing quite as satisfying as getting someone to finally unclench their ass and relax so much they flatten into pancake right all over you.
Banana Bike Seat: I can take or leave doing it, but it all becomes worth it when they thank you by licking you clean right back.
Happy Summer Solstice and ass-eating, Seattle!
