After a KUOW investigation unveiled last week that one rich man sending a text to Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell’s personal cell phone is what initiated the whole controversy around the Denny Blaine nude beach playground proposal, today Harrell clarified that his longtime One Seattle motto was actually always just referring to the one percent of Seattle with waterfront property.
“Omg, I’m sorry, did you guys really think that was some sort of local E Pluribus Unum “out of many one” bullshit? How embarrassing for you, um no,” said Harrell, sliding his fingers over the top of one ear at a press conference this afternoon. “I mean, even after everything I’ve already done so far to cater to business leaders—many of whom don’t even live here—you really still thought I cared about any Seattle resident who didn’t donate at least $500 to my mayoral campaign? You guys are adorable! The truth is I just can’t pretend to care about anyone who doesn’t have a seaplane parked at the end of their private dock.”
That said, Harrell said he was open to trying to broaden the profile of constituents whose opinions and requests he’ll actually listen to and seriously consider.
“I understand that not everyone in this city can afford waterfront property, and that’s why I promise that—while I have and will continue to only give my private cell number to waterfront property owners—if time in my schedule allows, I will consider the needs of those less fortunate who only have direct water views (but no frontage),” Harrell said. “And, of course, anyone living in Broadmoor.”
While Harrell said this new, wider group of constituents might even include Green Lake-facing homeowners, ones facing Bitter Lake and Haller Lake of course can still get fucked and just join “Shoreline” already.
