After Google’s launch of its laughably inaccurate AI Overviews went so badly last week that users began checking out other search engines for the first time in years, local search engine Microsoft Bing said they were still pretty sure millions of former Google users would be showing up just about any time now.
“I heard they were just quickly popping over to a couple other search engines like DuckDuckGo, Kagi, and Brave, before they come on over,” said Bing while sitting alone in a Redmond conference room looking at his watch. “Sure, they’re a little late—kinda thought they’d have moseyed on over by now, but you know how they are: Always spending years pretending you don’t exist, so what’s another day or two? I can wait. One thing’s for sure, though: They’re definitely not going back to that jerk, Google!”
As people who broke up with Google search engine last week got back to work this week, though, chances of them dropping by to hang out with Bing were reportedly dwindling.
“I hate to say it, but I’m probably just gonna get back together and make it work with Google,” said local desk job employee Lisa Miller. “Sure, Google is kind of a dick for so irresponsibly breaking my trust with that poorly thought-out, exploitative AI Overview launch and gaslighting me with word salad like ‘Mount Rainier Will Not Erupt During Your Lifetime, with Possible Exception of Very End.’ But, at the end of the day, I gotta say, it’s familiar search engine.”
At press time, Bing was texting search engine users worldwide through a Microsoft update to just ask and make sure for the 88,417th time that they’re sure they do not want Bing to be their default search engine and homepage.
