According to several friends, relatives and acquaintances, longtime area reader Allison Fentworth reportedly cannot shut the fuck up about her silent book club.
“Apparently, it’s like the opposite of Fight Club, so the first rule of Silent Book Club is tell motherfucking everyone about Silent Book Club,” said Allison’s friend, Natalie. “The other night I came over to hang out, and all she could talk about is how great it would be if we weren’t talking just like at the Silent Book Club. Like, JFC, reader, read thyself.”
Allison’s family members say that in addition to being very annoying for the last three months, they’re very worried about what the Silent Book Club may be a gateway behavior into.
“If I hear her say ‘it’s like being alone without being alone’ one more time, I swear to God I’m gonna fucking lose it,” said Allison’s brother, James. “It’s gone too far—what’s next? Not being able to shut up about getting together with others to silently listen to classic music albums with your shoes off in an adorable pair of socks at that Shibuya place in Ballard? I can’t wait to be told I haven’t really listened to Dark Side of the Moon yet even though I’ve been to a literal Pink Floyd concert. Things are just getting out-of-hand.”
At press time, Allison’s friends, relatives and acquaintances announced that because they were officially at their wits’ end listening to her ramble about the same pretentious-ass thing again and again, the only place they would be hanging out with her from now on is the Silent Book Club.
