In the race to be leader of the AI era, today Microsoft one-upped OpenAI’s Scarlett Johansson-voiced ChatGPT by unveiling its new Eddie Vedder-voiced AI assistant, Jeremy.
“Jeremy has spoken! And you can even understand most of what he’s saying,” said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella at a press conference earlier today. “Technically, it’s not Eddie Vedder’s voice and he would never be okay this, but it’s okay—we changed it just enough for him to still sue the shit out of us. We figured Eddie had some extra time to fight legal battles since the DOJ has finally taken his fight against Ticketmaster off-hand and we look forward to it.”
Inevitable legal questions about AI’s use of someone’s voice without their permission turned out to be the least problematic issue with the new Microsoft AI assistant, though.
“When I asked where the capital of Spain is, he just yelled ‘heyyy ya see there are FIVE different ways!’ Like what? This thing is useless!” said early adopter Kyle Cross. “I can’t tell whether I’m getting a weird, rambling answer to a question or if it accidentally turned on a Pearl Jam album. It’s so bad it’s making Google’s AI Overviews look good.”
At press time, Microsoft warned users to be extremely nice and attentive to the young AI assistant but would not elaborate exactly on why.
