One local man seeking the free Christian foot wash advertised during the Super Bowl this last weekend walked away from Seattle’s St. James Cathedral absolutely confused tonight after they said the best they could offer him is smudging black ash on his forehead.
“I can’t help but feel there was a little bit of false advertising,” said Aaron Clark, scratching his head. “Millions of dollars were spent to advertise this supposedly free, lovingly hand-washed foot bath, but I come here and not only does the priest not immediately drop to his knees to clean my dogs, he literally makes me even dirtier and tells me ‘Remember you are dust, and to dust you shall return.’ Like, what in the twisted fuck? 0 stars.”
Father Hinkley said that there was a huge miscommunication about it actually being Ash Wednesday and that things didn’t quite go down the way Clark described.
“I told him we could give him something much better than a foot wash and that is God’s ash right on his face,” said Father Hinkley. “It’s actually quite a religious experience to just let it sit on your face for a while, but I guess he just wasn’t into it.”
Clark said he was also unimpressed with the church’s other consolation offer of a half-assed sprinkle of baptismal font water if he wanted to become a member, which he quickly declined before storming out.
