Uber customers experienced an unexpected sticker shock today after an additional “CEO Yacht Fee” began appearing on orders placed within Seattle.
“First was the ‘Service Fee’, then the ‘Local Operating Fee’, and I could even understand the ‘Going Up That Big-ass Hill in Queen Anne Fee,’ but what the fuck is a ‘CEO Yacht Fee’?” asked longtime Uber Eats customer Will Clarke, looking incredulously at the checkout screen. “I guess I appreciate the transparency, but my $15 poke bowl somehow costs $94 now. I’m just glad I didn’t get another scoop of spicy tuna or I’d have to donate plasma to afford it.”
The CEO of Uber defended the new fee, saying that it was the consequence of Seattle’s nefarious effort to pay driver’s a living wage.
“Unfortunately, the City of Seattle has decided to make it harder for CEOs to make an honest living and, due to this discriminatory practice against the wealthy class, we were forced to pass the cost along to our customers,” said Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi, dabbing his tears with $100 bills. “Do you know how humiliating it is to vacation off the south of France and all the other CEOs are taking their first yachts to their bigger second yachts and you only have one? No, because they didn’t think about our feelings when they unfairly forced us to pay our employees for their labor.”
Seattle residents began to uninstall the app en masse after discovering that Ticketmaster had somehow added a convenience fee to their food orders as well.
