A meeting of Belmont Court’s Dead Homeowners Association (DHOA) grew tense today as the 94-year-old building’s otherworldly residents vented concerns about the culture-fit of its increasing numbers of transplant ghosts.
“I’m not seeing the same level of commitment to quality hauntings that align with this community’s character now that these tech workers have started to die off—all they seem to do is update Smart TVs during Love is Blind or make spooky sounds through the Alexa,” moaned Geoff Wilke, DHOA member and former live building resident from 1986-1991. “I used to love attaching my soul to a resident, hitching a ride to Cellophane Square, and pulling all of the records out of their sleeves. There’s really nothing quite like getting your hands through physical media.”
Concerns about ghost population density in the community were raised as well.
“The Big One is coming, and I’m concerned about its impact to our spatial resources as a historic, unretrofitted brick building,” said Helen Prim, DHOA president and resident of the building 1930-1937. “We’re already floating shoulder to shoulder on the third floor, and it’s even tighter up there now that the girl in 204 sages the floorboards every night. Overcrowding is a real issue here and, once the earthquake hits, I don’t think we’ll be able to fit in 50 additional headcount – apologies to our unheaded friends. Sorry, that was insensitive.”
By the end of the meeting, the DHOA Board of Directors passed a resolution mandating all freshly dead building occupants keep their hauntings period-appropriate to the 1929 building by sticking to classic options like clumsy drunk flapper, insecure Gatsby, or giant Jazz Age geoduck.
