As the Seattle City Council’s budget committee debated whether to approve funding for Shotspotter’s controversial and reportedly ineffective gunshot detection technology, today Mayor Bruce Harrell announced his intention to also ask for the funding of Shitspotter tech that would detect dog poop anywhere in the city.
“I was elected to clean up this great city, but for too long a stinky scourge has terrorized Seattle homeowners: abandoned dog poop. Well, that stops today, because if we approve funding for Shitspotter, its technology can pinpoint alleged dog doo within 10 yards of the scene of the crime,” said Mayor Harrell. “A dozen officers will then quickly be dispatched to the feces to verify that it is, in fact, dog poop, and then stand guard until someone else disposes of it. And—for a paltry million and a half dollars—the real question is, can we afford not to invest in Shitspotter for the safety of our collective shoes?”
But critics of Shitspotter were quick to point out that the technology didn’t actually prevent dog poop, and that it was also imprecise and prone to confusion with other brown piles of organic material left on the ground.
“I don’t want dog poop on my lawn as much as the next guy, but how can it tell what’s dog poop and what’s a pile of dirt? It’s November in Seattle: The entire city is covered in wet poop-colored leaves,” said local resident Marcus Stanfield. “I don’t need the cops busting down my door because my neighbor didn’t rake their lawn.”
In the meantime, city officials stressed the importance of doing their part to prevent poop by putting up whimsical signs asking neighbors to ‘Do Your Doo-ty and Pick Up That Poopy’ on their fences.
