Ballot return rates spiked this week after King County Election officials recently added a new ballot drop-box to the top of Mailbox Peak for voters who really want to show off their civic prowess.
“At first we thought making it easy to vote by placing drop-boxes in residential areas and reminding people they can mail ballots in straight from home was key to increasing voter engagement,” said King County Elections Director Julie Wise. “But that’s not what Seattle area voters want—they wouldn’t be caught dead bragging on Instagram about doing the voting equivalent of hiking Rattlesnake Ledge. We obviously needed a drop-box at the top of a snowy, 5,000-foot peak and poll workers that only allow ballots from people who climbed the Old Trail that ascends 2,000 feet per mile.”
Hundreds of micro-spiked hikers packed the trail just east of North Bend all day today, making it the most popular drop-box in King County.
“To get people like me to vote, you’re gonna have to lure me with more than just an opportunity to house more of my neighbors while ensuring as few of my local politicians are sociopaths as possible,” said local voter Tanner Diggs. “I’m gonna need an Instagram story and post that says I’m not just any voter—I’m one who set a PR up here today to get this vote in on time. Look at these losers huffing and puffing up here barely making it on time – that’s what happens when you don’t use ultra-light ink.”
At press time, with two hours left to vote, ballot return rates did begin to spike at residential drop-boxes as more voters were able to brag about running to their local drop-box in record time.
