After missing his bus back to Ballard during a weekend trip to West Seattle, one man has decided to do the sensible thing and abandon his old life and start anew in his new neighborhood.
“I knew it was a risk trying to take a bus out to Alki, but I didn’t think I’d be stranded out here forever—I checked the OneBusAway app for the next bus and it just showed a shrug emoji,” said Brent Nelson, looking around at his new neighborhood. “It’s a shame: I had a great job and lots of friends back in Ballard, but I guess I’ll never see them again now that I’m living in West Seattle. But on the plus side, I now have a built-in excuse to get out of any social obligation until the end of time.”
Experts say Seattleites accidentally emigrating to West Seattle was an occurrence common enough that the neighborhood started a committee to help stranded visitors start their new lives.
“People are constantly getting stranded here by public transport woes or whenever a chunk of the West Seattle Bridge falls off,” said Kelly Troutman, President of the West Seattle Resettling Committee. “That’s why we help wayward Washingtonians get resettled and adopted by a local beach volleyball team. With a trip to the farmers market and a couple games of spikeball, they’ll forget about their old lives and pretend the lighthouse is more interesting than it actually is like the rest of us.”
When asked why he didn’t just take the water taxi back to the mainland, Nelson looked blankly and responded, “the what now?”
