After days of turmoil and debate over whose fans seismologically shook the home of the Seahawks harder, today former running back Marshawn Lynch formally passed on his “Beastquake” sash and crown to Taylor Swift.
“I’m proud to say my longest run ever was as Miss Beastquake from the 2010 NFL season until last week,” said Lynch, as he crowned the next winner of the stadium earthquake pageant. “It’s obviously destiny 13 seasons later – Swift’s favorite number—to now bestow upon her this honor greater than her 12 Grammys combined. I think you’re ready for it.”
Although seismologists confirmed last week that both of Taylor Swift’s record-breaking sold-out shows at Lumen Field created a 2.3 magnitude earthquake—.3 more than Marshawn Lynch’s 2.0 Beastquake—many Seahawks fans hoped Lynch would fight harder to keep the sash and crown forever.
“Just because she has 12 Grammys doesn’t mean she can outdo the 12th Man, and, no, I won’t just shake this off,” said diehard Seahawks fan Chris Reed. “First, she had fans all over the field, Marshawn didn’t. Second, how much of that was coming from the concert speakers? Swifties don’t hold a candle to what we did together that day! It was rare, I was there—I remember it all too well!”
At press time, Taylor Swift said she’d treasure the title forever or until Beyoncé likely takes it in September.
